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Saturday, December 31, 2005


no partying for me for this end of year, 31st December 2005, thanks to my nose. ah well, shall take this time to briefly reflect back on the things i've done and what i shouldnt have.

its a joyful and painful year for me. a huge learning path. what left the biggest impression was him of course.

i learnt to be a gf. or rather what to do and what not. if i only i could turn back time and redo some stuff.. i would. perhaps we wont end up like this. nope, i dont mean not agreeing to be his girl at that moment. what i meant was.. ah well. too complex to say out i guessed. its just me and my thoughts.

its really a big painful lesson. is like the first time i ever commit that much and it just collapsed. nobody's fault. serious. anyway, all i think was regrets and more regrets. (dont be silly, not regretting to be with him. was with my actions and demands i supposed)

i really wish to undo or redo many things. but life goes on. i cant beg anybody to let me have one more chance. it slipped out of my hands, with me staring at it with anger and sadness.

let's see. i regretted not tking up tuition during primary school. perhaps, if i did, i might have scored a better psle score. i guessed i did worked hard for that. i shall not denied the fact. is either because there isnt much help there for me or perhaps its just me, stupid me. :(

sec 2 streaming. i regretted NOT STUDYING HARD. DAMNIT. I WAS DAMN HAPPY COPYING MY FRIENDS MATHS HOMEWORK. this is all my fault. if i had put in effort... and yeah.. complete my homework and everything and be a much better student, perhaps i would have ended up in an amaths class. or yes, a lit class. and perhaps with a pure science. at least one.

i was in those silly teenage crap. shouldnt reveal much lah. i just find it a total waste of time. argh!

sec 4. damn man. i think my secondary school life is sooo fun but in terms of studies.. i really wanna turn back time. i should have studied harder. no last min work for my submission of art. if not, perhaps my 3 months i would be in a jc. and my olevels results i might be eligible to enter to a jc. i was pure damn lazy. only panicked at the very last minute. what's the damn point? i scored badly. couldnt achieve my dreams. uh-uh. nope. I WAS IN THOSE SILLY CRAPZ IN SECONDARY SCHOOL. YES. WAS FUN. BUT DAMN.

anyway, maybe through that i made quite a number of friends. plenty. maybe if i was a nerd.. haha! but yeah.. if only i can balanced my playtime well with my studies. WHY AM I SUCH A PAIN?

poly. i should enter it with a positive attitude. i so hate myself getting into poly that i didnt study much. ARGH. if the moment i got into yr 1 i scored.. if only. oh well. why regret? but its too late i supposed.

thinking back what will happen if i have chosen another course. my whole life will twist. maybe for the better.. or the worse. but yeah, if i didnt get into my current course now, i wont have met him. yes. see. i didnt regret. there's a fair share in joy and tears. mainly tears after that. but well, i guess its karma?

i cant think of anymore stuff to say. its like: brain blocked. definitely i wished to redo my whole life. but maybe, if i redo, i wont get some happiness like i am having in my this life.

well, if there's anything else to say, maybe i will continue later. i was like having the inspiration just now but suddenly, poof! gone just like that. haha.

to anybody out there: Happy New Year!

oh yes. i will anticipate yr 2006 to be a better one. yes, it will. :)

I am bleeding inside.
11:17 PM