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IMAGE IS LOADING, PLS BE PATIENT.
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today's a damn fcuked up day. mind my crude word that you've just seen really am seriously a sad. heartbreaking. gloomy. blue day. 
really dont wish to talk about it. i've done things that i've always been doing. and thought its girl's policy to do that. the attitude and all. or is it just me? maybe too used to it. and i've done things that i've never done before. really never. cos my pride is too strong. it is still strong. but i've done something which i dont know am i supposed to be doing nots. and i've teared openly. i can still feel the cracks. pricking me at the same time. nevertheless the heart, parts have been chipped off. i swore i heard its shatters. perhaps it might be just my hallucination. sorry but it still haunts me.
i dont know why. i dont know what. its like i felt dumped. i finally had a taste of the medicine. maybe its retribution? i dont know why i still clinged on. usually i dont. but what has gotten into me? maybe the spell is too deep. and it is making me do stupid stuff.
why is this happening? i dont know. from a small little thing.. due to plenty of misunderstanding.. and unwillingness to give in. and this just happen. it just happened.. just like that. it kept me thinking. why did we hurt ourselves in the first place? if only one of us just speak out. well. its all late.
sorta ok now? hopefully. maybe. and i will try. but i hate the coldness you splashed on me just now. really. i hate it. i feel so weak and helpless. i swore i will never forgive u.. but i did. forget? its a lil hard. but its me. my fault. I CAUSED IT! I CAUSED THIS DISPUTE! i m sorry... its my fault... why am i making it sound as if its your fault? but its not. really. its me. and the m1's fault. but i only hate it cause of you left me just like that. i was longing for those coaxing. guess i am still behaving like a child. too pampered perhaps? and i have those dumb thoughts. but what matter most now is everything is sort of ok.. well. maybe.
had my hair done again. he accompanied me anyway. didnt get the trims but she helped me style. oh well. it doesnt appeals to me. i have been drenched. so it doesnt matters to me.
my heart still feels so heavy................ 
I am bleeding inside.
2:27 AM